Reflections

When “Want Tos” Turn Into “Have Tos”

• By Abel
• October 12, 2014
• No Comments

On October 1^st I realized there are only three months left in 2014 so I decided to set a goal to reach by the end of the year. At first I felt excited about the goal I’d set. I’d broken it down into smaller tasks I’d need to accomplish by set dates – tasks and dates I felt were attainable. And then I set out to check off each one of these on my list.

To date I have accomplished two of my seven tasks. I hit a wall today though, while attempting to complete task three. I felt completely blocked, unmotivated, and discouraged. I felt obligated. Ugghh! Time to reassess this goal and its purpose.

I’ve felt obligated in other areas of my life and felt stalled because of this feeling. But when I’ve felt this way before and let these feelings go, when I decide to no longer feel that I have to do something, something in my spirit is loosed.

When I started karate I had a goal of losing weight. Getting to a certain color belt didn’t play in my decision to take classes, at least not at first. But, around month 20 there was a shift. That’s when it suddenly became all about getting to the next belt level. I’d achieved my weight loss goal and had been successful in keeping it off for a year. My original purpose in taking up karate had been served, yet I continued taking classes, now, with the expectation (mine, my teachers, and my classmates) that I would soon advance to the next color belt. Although I was growing weary of the evening workouts after tiring days at work, I dragged myself to class just to keep up and to be ready to test for the next belt. The thrill of learning something new had worn off and it became a grind.

So when I got to purple, a color I preferred to green, I decided to take a break. I stopped, originally telling myself I was just taking the month of June off. Having my weeknight evenings free started getting good to me and so my break spilled into July. I was adding physical activity in the morning before work in order to maintain my weight loss and it was working. As my one month break extended into August my guilt at having stopped (quit) lessened. By September I was able to say to myself, the 24 months of karate I had taken had served its purpose and I no longer felt obligated to continue.

Sometimes you need to stop before you can move forward.   It has taken me a few months to be truthful with myself, to accept that a necessary change has taken place, and to know that this change is not only okay, but it has been extremely freeing for me.

Photo Credit:Jônatas Cunha