Reflections

Silver Lining

• By fannieb
• September 25, 2016
• No Comments

I am grateful for my standard of living, for my intelligence, and for my ambition.  I create my wonderful, prosperous, and adventuresome future, filled with the deep human connection of my soulmate and my new highly evolved friends.  I experience joy beyond the contentedness I feel now.  Life is good. What I really want to say is, my life has turned out pretty well, so far, and it’s about to get even better.

Since my parents died I have a new outlook on life.  While they were living I was living in their shadows, afraid to truly do the things I wanted to do. It’s not that I was resentful about it, heck, I wasn’t even aware of it, but now that they are gone and that I have experienced success in living on my own, emotionally, I know I have what it takes to continue and create more successes.  I’ve been shown that my life and my successful undertakings are not dependent on them giving me advice or their approval.  I can live my values without fear of repercussions from them.

When they died, I was set free, but not immediately; my freedom occurred one year after my mom’s death, four years after Daddy’s. It might sound harsh or even like I’m glad they both died, but that is not the case, at all.  I want so much to have them back, healthy and alive.  It’s just that I found a new way to see in their absence, one that makes the unfortunate reality of their passing easier to swallow.

In many ways I feel their deaths set free who they really wanted to be in life.  My father was allowed to come out two days before his death and be the gay man he’d been his entire life to the three people who meant the most to him.  My mother, a discouraged writer, seems to have been set loose in me.

“Every adversity, every failure, every heartache, carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit.”  My parent’s deaths hurt, and still do, but without those sad events, I might still be playing it small, afraid to take chances to experience a life fully lived.  I am grateful for my mom and dad and for the lessons they taught me, for the intellect they passed down to me, and for the love they showered on me.  And, I am grateful for the opportunities that have arisen in their wakes.  It is as if they continue to teach and nurture me from the afterlife.

Photo Credit: Bruce Turner