Reflections

More Patience

• By fannieb
• September 4, 2016
• No Comments

Patience. This is a recurring thought for me lately. It started to be an overarching theme in June. That was when my future editor was on a fellowship in Germany for six weeks. I had just finished a draft of my manuscript and was ready to get it published to relaunch my business. I chose to wait for her to return and hoped that she’d choose to work with me. And, it worked out. I was able to get the manuscript into a better state, one where she was able to see its potential. She chose to work with me. Patience.

Then I signed up for a Speaker Marketing Workshop and got stuck on Module 1, because I couldn’t figure out what my brand was– who I am (who others see me as) and who I work with (my niche) – both very important components in marketing. Frustration set in as I asked myself over and over again, what makes me unique and different from the slew of other coaches and speakers out there. For five weeks I noodled on it. The whole time, feeling I was losing time. My new, arbitrary quit work date was quickly hurtling toward me and I still didn’t know what my brand was. How did I expect to make enough money to quit my job in only eight weeks? Patience.

I even went to the Brand Your Swag workshop, knowing I’d get inspired and come home with my new brand. I returned almost completely empty-handed. The one suggestion I received was think about using the word “courage”. At the time I thought, is that all you got, man? Impatience reared its head again. And my energy and momentum dropped, putting me into a being state rather than an adrenaline fueled doing one. This racing, rushing state is what I think, and so many other people do too, means you are making things happen, that you are making progress. That you will be successful.

Then, a week later, after being told the word “courage”, it dawned on me, in a very non ceremonial way. There was no choir of angels singing to harp music, no stunning rays of sun streaming through haze. It just was a thought. I shared it with my mentor who said he loved it. Then I shared it with a couple of other people who liked it also. I had found my brand. But it felt like a nonevent and my enthusiasm didn’t spark back up like I’d anticipated. I had to let my brand name settle in. Patience.

Now it’s the beginning of September. There are fewer than thirty days until I was planning on leaving work. I’ve set my goals for this month and have set out to work to achieve them, but not with high “go-go” energy. No, rather with the calm plodding type, the kind that says, “I’ll get there when I get there. And the timing will be perfect.”

I’m settling in to a more balanced, saner mode of living. It’s characterized by the phrase “Experience, as you do. Then receive.” and no longer by “Do, do, do. Go, go, go. Get, get, get.” It still feels a little foreign to allow things to unfold organically and not push so hard to make things happen. My discomfort with this new way is obvious, as I am writing about patience for at least the second time in a month. It feels strange, but at the same time, I’m compelled to continue to work this way. “What’s happening to me?”

I am noticing this change and continue on its path. Although I have concerns about living my envisioned life, I’m not worried that I won’t be enough until I get there. I’m not particularly stressed that I should be doing more, though from time to time, this thought does cross my mind.

Eckhart Tolle said that “Stillness speaks. Everything else is a bad translation.” As I still myself and make my doing less harried, less from a place of obligation or scarcity, I am enjoying the ride. When thoughts of what I should be doing disappear completely I will know that the gift of patience has arrived.

Photo Credit: Stephanus Riosetiawan