Reflections

Midlife Crisis

• By fannieb
• June 25, 2015
• No Comments

I am working in Corporate America because as an adolescent I saw a businessman climb the corporate ladder and become very “successful”-money, corporate cars, travel, title, power. I saw this as a 13-year-old and told myself that I wanted to be a corporate executive when I grew up, just like Mr. Rexon, and I put my plan into motion. I earned my bachelor’s degree in economics and my MBA four years later only to fumble around in the jobs I’d landed after graduation trying to gain traction and build momentum. I realize now that this was a sure sign that I was barking up the wrong tree, but I kept on going and pushing to be a success. And I eventually I found my stride. Although promotions with huge pay increases and grandiose sounding titles weren’t in the cards for me, I was able to settle into a field in business, project management, and have some degree of success there.

But now it’s almost 15 years since I found this groove and I’m feeling stuck, unfulfilled, and with no real desire to advance in the corporate world, at least not in those worlds I’ve been exposed to, where there are smart people making stupid decisions based on politics and what I consider greed (though you might argue it’s merely the capitalistic profit motive I’m talking about here). Either way, it is leading me to the question, Is this all there is? And I don’t have to think long to come up with the answer: for me, in corporate America, yes!

I’m in a role based on a conclusion I made when I was in my teens. I’ve reassessed and changed numerous things in my life because I changed my belief about them. But I haven’t changed what sector I work in, even though I’ve long since abandoned my desire to be an executive. I continue to do work where I thought I would be happy (over 30 years ago). Though I’ve hopped from one company to another frequently, I’ve never changed fields or milieus. Because of fear, lack of confidence, and a dependence on my standard of living I have chosen to stay put, rather than to move to some other career that would be more satisfying. My decades-old belief has locked me in to thinking nothing else I can do will allow me to earn what I’m making now – business, more specifically, Corporate America, is where the money is. And as for self-employment – I tried that and failed miserably. In my mind I have believed (at least until about six months ago) why would now be any different?

The answer is: I’m different now and I am thinking and living in a completely different realm of possibilities. I’ve started to unlock the magic within and I am materializing things I never thought possible.

And so it is now, with this different perspective, that I’m noticing it’s time for me to trade in my old career for a new one that will suit me, the person I am now and evolving into, better.

Photo credit: Jennifer Boyer