Reflections

Life Cycles

• By fannieb
• October 30, 2016
• No Comments

There it is again!  That aching feeling of loneliness that I thought I’d gotten rid of, for good.  It’s found its way back to me, like the predictable changing seasons that cause us to alter our routines, the clothes we wear, our activity levels, our moods. My loneliness returns to upset the flow of the normalcy I’ve created.

I ask myself why?  Why can’t I be done with this feeling?  Wanting to be held, wanting someone intimate to confide in, wanting to be loved unconditionally?  Or,  if I can’t banish this emotion,why am I not finding that person who will hold me, be my confidante, and love me no matter what?

I know what the trigger is.  It’s the fast approaching holidays – Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s Eve.  I’ve weathered three seasons without my mom to visit and it seems to get easier, but I always have this ache, a hollowness inside my chest, that comes when the weather turns chilly and the leaves burst into flaming colors.  This emptiness tells me there is indeed something missing from my very good life – my soul mate, my life partner.

I know he exists and that I must be alert as I wait patiently for fate to put him in my path.  I know this.  The question is how do I handle these feelings of loneliness so they don’t bring down my energy and block my blessings?  How?

Cherie Carter-Scott says that we often ask ourselves “how” when we should be asking ourselves “what”.  What is the next thing to do?  But I’m not sure that will work here, unless covering up my feelings by filling my life with “doing” is the approach.  That feels like avoidance though.

If I were to deal with these feelings, to work through them, what would I do next?

Sitting here quietly listening to the birds chirp and the geese honk the answer has come to me: Be.  Experience the loneliness.  Just go through it, again.

Photo Credit: Bernard Spragg.NZ