Reflections

Insulated?

• By fannieb
• April 4, 2015
• No Comments

Insulated. That’s how I felt yesterday when a coworker came to my desk, tears in her eyes, ranting, “that woman is crazy” and nodding her head in the direction of Danielle’s office. I innocently asked her, “what woman?” honestly not knowing who she was referring to.

It has been a long time, at least six months since I’ve worked with her manager, Danielle, who has an evil streak and would not hesitate to throw you under the bus. So I’d forgotten about her. She is no longer, at least at the present moment, my problem. And while I do have my own challenges at work with others now and again, these incidents are becoming less frequent though when they do occur they are more highly charged and unsettling than before. But yesterday, this week, and even the previous week have been pretty calm and uneventful, thankfully. In my mind I have a picture of the perfect place to work and my current job doesn’t match this image,  but I really can’t complain about the last several weeks.

It comes in waves that I pray won’t knock me over and fill my gaping, surprised mouth with water and choke me to death. I know I must find something else to do, someplace else to work before I get washed away by a tidal wave and drown. And while I know I need to be someplace else, after 12 years of two-year stints at this company or at that one, I’m starting to think that business isn’t for me. I’m starting to think that I’ve got to start producing something on my own that others will find value in so I can be my own boss, be my own leader because at the end of the day this is where my frustration lies. I want to be part of a high performing team that produces great results. But there is a leadership gap so my reality doesn’t align. There are people with big titles where I work, but they aren’t leading – not me nor anyone else.

So I go back to a Stuart Wilde saying which I’m paraphrasing here: “If you want to be challenged, challenge yourself. If you want to be inspired, inspire yourself.” And today I’ll add, “If you want to be led, lead yourself!” The time is coming for me to stop blaming and to start leading myself into the life I envision, into the life that I deserve.

Photo Credit:  Graham Cook