Reflections

Growing Different

• By fannieb
• September 3, 2015
• No Comments

Evolving to higher levels of consciousness is becoming extremely lonely for me. Last night on a Peer Coach conference call I felt isolated and alone. The other members of the group who participated on the call seemed to be on the same wavelength in their conversation and comments. And while I felt they had some valid points, after 10 or 15 minutes the constructive nature of their comments turned and I felt the urge to excuse myself from the call. But instead I chose to speak up and made the suggestion that perhaps there was an opportunity to voice their concerns with someone who could actually affect change and that perhaps we could move to the topic of last night’s meeting discussion. My comment went largely ignored until 10 minutes before the end of the call. At that point, for me, the damage had been done: I had been pummeled with negative energy for almost an hour and felt anxious because of it. And once again I felt misunderstood.

At the end of the call the suggestion was made for each one of us to share three words as to how we felt at that moment. Everyone else on the call agreed that this was a good idea. But I cringed at the thought because I knew my words would be the complete opposite of what everyone else was about to say. And so the other four shared their feelings; grateful, enthused, empowered were among some of those descriptors. This was a watershed moment for me because at that point I realized that the call they had experienced and the one I had experienced were drastically different. I felt different. I chose not to share my three words at the risk of looking like a non-team player. But the fact of the matter was enough negativity had passed during that hour and I was not about to turn their highs into lows. The thought had crossed my mind, momentarily, to pile on and say some of the same words they had used but my integrity would not allow this. I felt annoyed and irritated by the unproductive nature of the call and the comments, which in my opinion, bordered on a rant. And in the end no plan of action to resolve their concerns was committed to. I also felt frustrated at the loss of an opportunity for me to learn more about coaching, something I’m new at and really want to excel in.   We all could have benefited from sticking to the assigned agenda.

Yesterday morning I created a “new rule” for my life: “I impact the people I come into contact with positively whether or not I ever see the results of this.” My new rules are intentions that I plan to incorporate into my daily life in order to grow spiritually. As I move forward and allow last night’s incident to fade into the past I must remember this new rule. And I must remember that every challenge I face, even this harsh feeling of loneliness, is molding me into the exceptional human being I was born to be.

Photo Credit: Peter Heilmann