Reflections

Getting Unstuck

• By Abel
• July 5, 2014
• No Comments

I am Abel. Yes, my name is Abel Generette and I want to tell you about getting unstuck and getting out of a rut. You might ask yourself who am I to tell you how to do this. Well, I am an ordinary person with ordinary problems who through determination and self-investigation has started to overcome some of my life’s obstacles.

Life is a journey and sometimes we get stuck. As I follow my life’s journey I have discovered some things that have held me back. Once I identified these things – my behaviors and bad habits, and once I committed to change them, I noticed a positive difference in my life.

The General Problem

Many times we do things that don’t make sense or are harmful to ourselves and we don’t know why. Deep down we do these things because we believe we are meant to have the condition our actions reap for us. Why don’t we take our medicine if we know it will make us sicker? Why do we continue to eat things that cause allergic reactions in us? Why do we go into debt or stay in debt when we know it is causing us angst? Why do we stay with someone who is abusive? Why do we continue to do the same old things that have gotten us in to the mess in the first place? Why do we ask for advice and not heed it and later wish we had? Why do we___________________ (fill in the blank with your undesirable habit or experience)?

Have you felt this way about any of these things? Do any of these ring true for you? If so, investigate to uncover the self-limiting beliefs that give rise to the self-destructive behaviors that are keeping you stuck, uninspired, and sick and tired of your life’s situation. And then take action to change!

My Problem

What follows is my investigation into one of my self-limiting beliefs. I’m going to tell you about a belief I used to hold – life was meant to be a financial battle. This has been a two part journey for me. Part 1 was making balancing my checking account a monthly habit. Part 2 was committing to getting out of debt and saving for the future.

First, let me say our beliefs are based on what we have seen in the past and what we’ve been told and conditioned to accept without challenge. It’s what’s caught not what’s taught. I guess I caught the idea that being able to provide for myself would happen, but I would need to rely on credit cards and lines of credit to supplement this. This belief was further fostered by my belief that God will help me, especially if I’m struggling. The more I struggle the more God will recognize me. He will have pity on me and bless me because I’m in such dire straits. That’s what God does, right? I have come to realize that God helps those who help themselves.

I broke this belief (financial struggle and bounced checks is always going to be a way of life for me) in 2005 – that’s when I took charge of my checking account. No more bounced checks was my goal! You see, after being self-employed and feeling the strain of bankrolling a business with limited funds, I realized when I landed a job (after quitting mine to pursue my business) that if the job was going to help me get out of the mess I had created I needed to straighten up and fly right. I needed to take control of my finances and that meant knowing exactly what was in my account at any given time. I was so sick and tired of being broke and going further into debt because I chose not to manage my money. So I committed to changing my behavior. Only now, as I look back do I realize why I had chosen that life for myself. There were two primary beliefs I held that caused my self-destructive actions.

My Self-Limiting Beliefs

First off, I believed that balancing my check book was too tedious, unpleasant, time-consuming to be bothered with and, so it was worth paying the bank extra for overdraft protection. I knew that as an economics major it wasn’t because I was incapable. I just saw it as a huge chore that I chose not to do.

I busted that belief when I sat down and did the work to balance my account. Initially it was tedious and a grind but only because I had let it go for so long. Once I had gotten my account balanced and in shape and began recording my checks and withdrawals and balanced it again the following month it was easier. It still wasn’t something I enjoyed doing, but it was far from being the tedious useless task I had painted in my mind. After several months of balancing the checkbook I began to see it as a puzzle especially if I was off a dollar or so. Now after nine years it takes me only a few minutes to balance my account. Fun, well maybe not, but not tedious either. In addition to no longer dreading going to the mailbox, because I might have an overdraft notice waiting for me, I began to feel a sense of calm and confidence knowing I was being responsible with my finances. Being in control of those things I can control has brought a degree of peace into my life.

Second, I think I believed on some level that I didn’t deserve the money I had, so bouncing checks was a way of reinforcing this. I would bounce a check, have the credit card overdraft protection kick in, and be $100 deeper in debt. This became a self-fulfilling prophecy.

This belief was much more subtle and wily and it’s hard for me to even believe it was something that haunted me. But as I look back I realize this was a deep-seated belief of mine. Doing the work to manage my finances increased my self-confidence and in turn helped me believe in myself and increased my sense of self-worth.

A Solution

This is the story of how I started to turn my financial battles into triumphs. What battles do you have that you are ready to end? The first step is to STOP. Stop doing those things that aren’t working. Stop battling. Then, realize there is an easier way. Ask yourself why you keep doing things that aren’t getting you the results you desire. What beliefs do you have that are holding you back? What stories are you telling yourself that you believe without question? Then, challenge those beliefs, assumptions, and stories by developing a plan to change your results from the undesirable to the desired.

Those of you who are so inclined to make a change please let me know if my story has helped. Where are you now? Are there still places you feel stuck? Let me know. I truly believe in you and your ability to make positive change in your life.

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