Reflections

Baking Soda and Vinegar Volcanoes

• By fannieb
• September 28, 2015
• No Comments

Yesterday I started my grocery budget and it felt good. I felt like I was taking the first step toward moving to France. Once I lower my expenses and I have proven to myself that I can live on less, then I can more fully believe and continue, with renewed energy, to make real this change. Putting some guardrails around my spending counter-intuitively is helping me to dream bigger.

Adults are much like children even though they have gone to great lengths to be and act “grown-up”. One way I noticed I have done this is by moving away from structure and from following certain rules. I did a lot of this as soon as I was old enough to do what I wanted to do. I did this not realizing the structure and rules that I thought I disliked growing up really were a comfort to me -eating meals at predefined times with my parents and brother around the table, going to bed at the same time regularly, even the structure of my school days and extracurricular activities afforded me some semblance of order and predictability, a security of sorts.

I remember when I was growing up feeling excited at the beginning of summer break (no school, no classes, no homework) and then by August looking forward to going back to school because I felt bored. And while going to the pool and playing with my best friend Connie every day did get dull, now I also believe my longing to get back to class was in some ways tied to missing the comfort of the school year’s structure.

You might think having this structure would be monotonous and stifling, but I found excitement in it because I was curious and so were the other children. And so within this routine of my childhood life, which created a container for it to unfold, I found a lightness to my life back then – until my parents separated and the safety of the nuclear family I had always known vanished. I still had structure to a good degree, but I felt lost and confused – uncertain and scared. At that point and for years after there was a big rift between my mother and father and between my brother and my father, but not between me and my father. This caused some strain on my relationships with my mom and my brother. That was when I started becoming more adult like, that was when my separation from my source began and my knowledge of my true nature started to get lost.

I could end here, and I think I will, even though there is more I want to say about the role of structure and feeling safe and secure in being creative and growing personally, especially when there are nurturing influences around that give us permission to explore and color and do arts and crafts and make baking soda and vinegar volcanic eruptions.

Photo Credit: epSos.de