Reflections

Flashes of Purpose

• By fannieb
• July 15, 2015
• No Comments

This weekend I had a breakdown as I broke through years of searching for purpose and meaning in my life. As the tears started flowing I didn’t quite get the emotion behind them. At first I thought I was crying because I was missing my mom and that certainly is true. Here I’d experienced a retreat that helped me see, under a glaring spotlight, what my gifts are and what I’m meant to give back to the world and I could not pick up the phone to tell her. But that wasn’t it, really. For me I know she is witnessing my life in real time from the heavens, no need for telephone lines or cell towers. So then, why was I gripped by first a trickle, then a flood of tears that kept coming for 20 minutes as I sat in bed sobbing and gasping for air? This uncontrollable emotion was the release of almost 30 years of misdirected work life in which I only had tiny tastes of the fruits of my gift. I experienced fleeting flashes of happiness in the work I was doing, but I was not allowed to dwell in that sense of fulfillment for long.

As a front line manager in a call center I fondly remember coaching my team individually and in a group to raise their positivity, sometimes in unusual ways. I believe these activities still stick with many of them, especially the occasional five-minute field trips into the office parking lot at seven or eight in the evening. Once we were there, we’d scream at the top of our lungs releasing the stress that we’d built up dealing with difficult customers. I look back on those days and know now that I was partially in my element. The happiness I felt at helping team members successfully post and land new jobs where they were no longer tethered to the phone was freeing for both them and for me.

And as a Mary Kay Independent Consultant and Sales Director I also felt the sporadic sparks of my purpose. At the start of a facial I’d often see a reserved and doubting woman looking at herself in the mirror and then up at me for direction on how to apply the products. At the end emerged a woman who genuinely liked who she saw staring back in the mirror – an external transformation that allowed her light to shine brightly, even if only for that day. Nevertheless that feeling I got from seeing a woman beaming because she felt beautiful and special and like she mattered was so rewarding – sale or no sale. Their triumph fed my spirit.

On Sunday evening I was overjoyed and I could not hold back the tears as it became clear that I had finally found a career where I can live my passion. l can inhabit my inner purpose and feel happiness consistently, rather than in brief glimpses obscured by the overwhelming stresses of the rest of the job. What a feeling to know the reason you have been placed on this earth! I am a life coach specializing in helping people find their own unique inner gifts and purpose. I help my clients create lasting transformations for themselves as I fulfill God’s intention for me. How amazing!

Photo Credit: Warren Tyrer