Reflections

Being Used

• By fannieb
• March 13, 2015
• No Comments

“That’s why I have you,” my husband (at the time) had responded when I asked him “What are you planning to live on when you retire?” That was the beginning of the end of our marriage. He tried to backpedal saying he was only joking, but I knew it was the truth. And, I was livid. But, it was exactly what I needed to hear to make a change.

Today I was faced with hearing and seeing the impossibility of working for my boss for much longer as there is a similar narrowness to our 13 month relationship, a relationship which I’ve been trying to maintain for the sake of job consistency; I want to settle down at an organization and no longer want to job hop. While I am being compensated for my work, there’s a failure to recognize me as something other than a device that performs a task, inhuman and unfeeling. Today my concerns about getting the necessary buy-in and attention from team members got flatly ignored, pooh-poohed. All I was looking for was a little understanding about the very real challenges I faced today (whether they felt real to my boss or not). And he minimized them (and me) somehow turning the situation around so that their lack of engagement was my fault!

As a result I had another light bulb moment illuminating the fact, that once again, I’m being used. I’m being scapegoated because I dared to escalate an issue creating the potential that he would have to work to resolve it. Potential because he cleverly turned it around, pointed the finger at me, and voilà, he doesn’t have to think about it again, that is, until this unresolved issue comes to a head and the shit hits the fan.

And, what makes such a little incident so incensing is that during my initial job interview when I failed to answer “escalate to sponsor” my boss proceeded to school me on how “escalate” was in fact the correct answer. But, on the job, in real life, when I do escalate he deflects it blaming me. I was infuriated. His reaction and response provided exactly what I needed to hear today in order to put the wheels of change in motion.

Photo Credit: Marc Smith