Reflections

Give a Man a Fish….

• By Abel
• July 16, 2014
• No Comments

“Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach a man to fish you feed him for a lifetime.” Cindy believed this whole-heartedly, whichever side of that equation she found herself on.

But this wasn’t always the case. She remembered “leaning on” Matthew, a member of her study group in grad school, pretty hard. He had wanted to help Cindy with her individual assignments and because quantitative analysis was not her forte she had accepted. Matthew’s motives weren’t purely altruistic. He was interested in Cindy romantically. This was a bonus. But she always felt a bit guilty, like she was cheating. And she was. Cindy was shortchanging herself.

Today almost twenty years later Cindy’s a changed person. Now she feels the need to be as competent as possible in as many areas as possible even if the path is difficult. Accomplishing a degree of proficiency in different fields gives her a feeling of self-confidence, a sense of self-control and of power. And, she’d become addicted to it. This burning desire to “be all she could be” was something she began to expect others to have as well. And, of course, Cindy is disappointed and frustrated when they don’t. She had morphed into your typical overachiever.

Now Cindy finds herself in an awkward situation at work. She is having to “fish” for her boss, Nick, who at age 62 has come to be in the habit of flashing a beguiling smile while feigning ignorance and the lack of ability to be more organized and perform his job. Cindy believed her boss was pretending because, though rarely, she had seen him be knowledgeable, focused, and on point.

For now, she planned to embrace the role of fisherman, plopping fresh fish upon her boss’ desk (at least weekly) until she would be allowed to post for another job within the organization in six months. But in order to do this she would need to dig down deep and find patience. She would need to really get in touch with Nick’s needs at work to be able to anticipate them. Cindy would always need to be one step ahead of where Nick was in order for her to work in the same measured way that kept her sane.

She would have to embrace the idea that Nick needs her for his success. And then she would have to make it so. This idea, counterintuitive to her, makes her feel sick to her stomach. But, it is a necessary evil for now. A lesson Cindy must need to learn.

Photo credit:Jennie Lindqvst – https://www.flickr.com/photos/124925894@N05/14284272524/