Reflections

Waking up……Alone

• By fannieb
• November 24, 2015
• No Comments

In the stillness Sunday morning I awake supported by my Tempur-Pedic mattress which feels strong and loyal, but there’s something missing here. And, as I reflect on my night’s dream I’m relieved to put back in order the knowledge that my mom, my best friend,  had not come back from the dead to visit me alive, normal, needing to return to her home in New Jersey 250 miles away to live in a fragile condition, alone. I’m relieved, but I feel a loneliness tinged with lingering grief even two years after her death. And I once again realize, with gravity, I am all alone.

I spoke with my life coach about my feeling out of touch from everyone and that I might like to work on this in our next session and perhaps I should. I don’t like the feeling of waking up alone, especially on a Sunday like today where I have limited responsibilities and the world outside is contemplating or sleeping or doing whatever it does on a day like today that allows the stillness and quiet to prevail. How nice it would feel to be in a warm spooning embrace of my attractive  and confident and intelligent and financially stable,emotionally available, and attentive man. That’s what’s missing in my life. And it’s times like these, in the quiet of the early morning after re-experiencing the former closeness (if only in a dream) of my relationship with my mom, that I can’t avoid feeling this emptiness.